Farewell Letter from Becca Feldhacker

Good Shepherd,

This week I shared with our staff, board, and the families related most to my ministry areas that I’m resigning my role as Youth Director at Good Shepherd. I will finish out the program year with our middle schoolers and high schoolers, before starting a new role in a parachurch ministry in Madison. As someone who wishes we as a church talked about vocation and discernment more often, I would like to share my story with you. My hope is that by doing so, you too may be encouraged to listen to and trust the Holy stirrings in your heart.

Over a year ago I realized that a mild unsettledness in my gut was growing. It wasn’t stress-induced, and it wasn’t from drinking too much bubbly water. This feeling was familiar because I’ve felt it at least two times with this strength and length: when I left my job in Saint Paul to live at a camp, and when I left that camp to move to Madison. Friends, I knew this stirring was the Holy Spirit.

Admittedly, it was different this time. When this had happened before, I was presented with a job opportunity or at least a vision of opportunity and my stirring felt solely like the Holy Spirit was calling me toward something. This time, the feeling was different because it felt like I was being called away from this job but didn’t have a clue as to what I was being called into. My constant lament was, “can the Holy Spirit work through this discontentment or is it a sign that I just have poor perspective or unrepentant sin?”

Since January, I’ve had stories drop into my lap of ministry leaders who have discerned a rather large transition. One woman shared that her church, partnering with other churches, transformed their building into a community-centered space where congregational worship was just one of many events and programs for their neighborhood. Another woman spoke about how, as a church worker, she could see the great need for access to more mental healthcare, especially in populations in poverty and for people of color. So she left her work at the church to start a therapy practice that provides mental health services to widely underserved and under-supported populations, even hosting multiple drop-in clinics each week.

God started weaving things together and in doing so, answering my question. My wheels started to turn and I started to think about what it would mean if I left this job. The themes of neighborhood, collaboration, and unity as well as the the importance of telling the stories of the goodness already happening in our community all started to intrigue me.

This collision of coincidences turned into the realization that God was purposeful in these things and last week, I was offered a position that I accepted: Director of Engagement for Collaboration Project. This organization works to foster collaboration between churches for service and justice work, renewal for church leaders, and the overall flourishing of our city. Good Shepherd has actually participated in some of their initiatives and events in the past and I hope to see that connection continue in the years ahead.

Being this church’s youth director has been an honor. I’ve gotten to walk alongside youth and families in all the ways the job implies – teaching Amped, leading youth group, inviting others into community events, planning retreats, & traveling with youth. But it’s also in the hidden and unexpected ways, such as:

• Supporting one middle schooler’s ambitious desire to do tune-up bikes by hauling my bike over his house.
• Sending cards to youth who were hospitalized, encouraging them and affirming that the work they were doing in prioritizing their health was important and good.
• Attending performances, meets, competitions, and games and seeing the dedication and giftedness of this young generation.
• Preparing a care package for a family who had lost their mom to cancer and being able to visit with them, even throughout a pandemic via yard visits.
• Seeing 8^th graders affirm their baptismal promises in ways and with language that is shaped by their experiences and God-given passions rather than what someone says they should say or do.
• Baking, dancing, crying, laughing, crafting, meeting up for coffee, and texting 3x the amount for work than I do in my personal life.

Even with all these blessings, being a youth director also can take its toll. Hear me: this is not me saying that people are burdensome. But when your heart is big and your job of connecting and supporting is limitless, the work is never done and my heart never felt like I was doing everything I could (or should) be doing. After all, the work is the people. A song I enjoy phrases this sentiment this way, “my joy is heavy.”

Good Shepherd has been an incredible faith home for me and Daniel, and so we hope to continue to be a part of this community going forward if it can be healthy for us. I thank you for your prayers for our family and for the future of youth ministry at Good Shepherd. This church – and remember that means us everyday people – are doing incredible things by partnering with God and what God’s doing in Madison and Verona.

If ever you want to talk about the beautiful, challenging, and meaningful work of discerning vocation, with your own experience, advice, questions, or curiosity, I’d love to get together.

Peace be with you all. Thank you for allowing me to do life with you all.

 

Rebecca Feldhacker