Lent and letting go of loss

It had been a weekend. One of those weekends that were incredible, empowering, life-giving and exhausting all at the same time. After falling asleep at 7 p.m. the night before, I logged on to Good Shepherd’s Monday-morning Meeting.  

Eric Holmer started off by reading Job 2:7-10 from his daily devotional book. The passage was paired with a quote from Jerry Sittser, which said, “There is no going back to the past. It is therefore not true that we become less through loss – unless we allow the loss to make us less, grinding down our soul until there is nothing left.” And if God didn’t think He got his point across to me in Indianapolis, He got it across back in Madison.  

On Friday, Feb. 18, I loaded my car and left for Indianapolis with five other Greek InterVarsity students. There, we would meet up with eight other Wisconsin Greek InterVarsity students and hundreds of Greek InterVarsity students from across the country for Greek InterVarsity’s Leadership Summit.  

Going into the conference, my emotions were all over the place. I was excited to experience the weekend that other students coined “life-changing.” I was nervous that maybe my experience wouldn’t be as great as theirs. But, most importantly, I was worried about going back to Indianapolis.

I had only been to Indiana once, and it was this fall. Over an October weekend, I spent time all over the state. I ended my trip in Indianapolis before flying back to Madison.

The person I went to visit in Indiana is no longer in my life. While they greatly impacted my life while they were in it, they made an even greater impact by leaving. I knew going back to the same state, the same city, would not be easy.  

When I pulled up to our hotel in the heart of downtown, I got the same Indy-rush I did the first time — this time, beside people who chose to stay. Once the five of us got checked in and grabbed some dinner, we attended our first general session. Over the course of the weekend, there were three general sessions — each complete with games, worship and phenomenal speakers.  

After the general session, we had the opportunity to break out into our leadership concentrations. I could talk about the people I sat by from Purdue and Pepperdine. Or I could talk about the profound effect other Greeks’ personal stories had on me. Instead, however, I want to share what was prayed over me.  

Throughout the weekend, students had access to a prayer room. There, men and women of all ages volunteered to sit, talk and pray over students. On Saturday, Feb. 19 at 1 p.m., I went into the prayer room.  

I sat down with Bob. I had never met him before, but he treated me like an old friend. As he began to pray, he said that he pictured me in a car. He said, “Emma, you need to stop looking in the rearview mirror because you aren’t looking out the windshield, the big picture, in front of you. Let go, and let God take the wheel.”  

And I wonder how many of us could use that reminder — to stop beating ourselves up over the past. To quit asking what we did wrong. To let go and let God. 

Both in Indianapolis and in Madison, I realized that I let loss consume me. I was so fixated on the past that I couldn’t see God’s goodness right in front of me. So I’m thankful God sent me back to Indianapolis — to face my loss. By doing so I have an even greater appreciation for what I do have.  

Job 2:10 says, “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” As we progress through Lent, a season of sacrifice, I ask us all to reflect on our troubles and our losses. Share the things that are not as they should be, even if doing so is emotional. Because only then will we recognize what’s truly good from God.